'the greatest happiness is to

transform one's feelings into action.'

-Madame De Stael.

sometimes i just doubt that is this the course i want? how am i suppose to survive when i can't even handle a report properly. what's more for bigger projects which are on the way. is it my expectations too high or just thinking too much and far? it's not easy to get distinction, i know. i have never get a distinction before which i would like to try to get it in this course.

i pushed myself saying i will like it, it will be interesting but it seems like all are excuses. i flipped through the textbooks, so many things that i have to know. capitals of the countries and time zone, etc. the contents in the textbooks scare me. can i even make it? it's all about the mindset. i know like what mdm surianis said. but sometimes it just go against it, like now for sure.

my methods of studying are totally wrong for myself. so what is the correct way? can someone teach me or something. i feel so rusty, i feel so useless and i feel so annoyed. is it because of freaking menses that make me so. perhaps. but i just feel so f* up. i dont know why? i dont know how? one small report can make me cry so badly that shows how useless i can be, then what about project work? flood my house with my tear? one small setback can set me crying what about those in future? i dont know.

i'm so disappointed in myself. i cant even do the report well, still want to talk about distinction. stop daydreaming mann. some many things just flow through my mind while typing this post. positives and negatives. i feel so lost, so confused, so helpless and so shitty.

what's bothering me? i dont know? i can't even be independent on my work, i still need someone to lead and guide me on. i know daddy is always here for me but he can't do this forever. i have to learn to stand on my two feets. he is always there to prevent me from falling and give me the best yet i'm like so lousy. i can't believe i'm actually still tearing. wtf.

overall, i'm glad that God really give me such a wonderful daddy. i really don't know what to do without him beside me and yet sometimes i just take him for granted. thank you daddy and i love you. <3s

God, i need strength, endurance, perserverance and faith badly.]: please help me!]:

this post is so emo and it's like the first day of second week.pffts.]: