my blog is dam dead, i know that. i dont really have the time to even touch the laptop. everytime when i reached home, i bathed and surrendered myself to my bed.

i got back my O level results! one word, SUCK! i was so disappointed in myself for getting such a pathetic results which lead me nowhere besides engineering courses and ite. i dont like engineering and it never came across my mind too. here i am facing with engineering courses, it just give me headache when i was only allow engineering courses in poly if i appeal for it.

i didnt even think that i will even enter ite from the start. but i guess this fall is so harsh that i need to face the fact that i only have ite now. i went down ite college west at clementi with daddy to fill in some form for higher nitec in hospitality operations. we went to ite college central at bishan after i flip through the ite prospectus which they also have early childhood there. the man, i dont know who, said that the chances i have is very silm. he also mention that i should give a try for the nitec one year business courses, office, retails or tourism, as i have a higher chances.

seriously is that the only choice i have?

it's a 100% that i'm gonna retake my english language. but i'm still considering if i should retake my combined sciences. it's so confusing. i freaking had a E8 for english, b3 for mathematics and combined humanities, B4 for chinese and C6 for combined sciences(phy/bio), art and design and principle of accounts. i do see some improvement compared to my prelim but why of all subjects that must be english that pulls everything down the drain?

i'm not proud at all yet i still post it out my results here. i dont need any sympathy from anyone. i just post it for the sake that everyone has to know it in the end. i had brought disgrace to my school as an ij girl for failing english. ij girls are good in their language and should ace in english but i didnt. shame on me.

people said it's okay, retake and all. blahblahblah. i agreed, i do need to retake. it's easy to say but who will know those indescribable feelings i have. i hate myself for being so dumb. i hate myself for working hard so late. i hate myself for not able to acheive such small stuff. i hate myself for not going into a poly or jc but an ite. i hate myself that i'm not as smart as my friends. i hate myself...

it's a big fall i ever make in my life. i have to bite the bullet and move on, i dont have the choice at least it will make me stronger. it will but why now not later? i'm already slower in one year being in normal acad and now another. how dumb... fuck it.

i have to let go those thinking and guess it's time to take a break and enjoy my trip to taiwan.[: gonna be away from 29jan to 25 feb. i might be online if there is a computer.[: